I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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