you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
