if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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