I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
