This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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