I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
