I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
