Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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