Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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