He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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