I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
