Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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