Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
