I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
