I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
