Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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