I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
