Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
