i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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