So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
