So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone