Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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