I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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