ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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