No awkward lesbian experiences without me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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