And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night