There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.