I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
