make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.