Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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