I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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