At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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