mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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