good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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