We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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