pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
