Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
