And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
