Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Welp...herpes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
