just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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