so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone shattered a urinal.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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