I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
