happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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