your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
