i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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