Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
