FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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