I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
