I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
being pregnant is like rehab
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
