He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
