i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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