is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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