I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
