i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
