That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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