All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
