it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
