Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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