Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
