You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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