my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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