Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
