when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i think im in europe. pls send help
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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