I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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