I wish I could teleport
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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