i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
