white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We talked him into tasing himself.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
