Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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