well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
