I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
