Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
