Having a random hookup so left but love u
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
