Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
