I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
