i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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