i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
