On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it's like iHOP with fire
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize