My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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