can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
