her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
