it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
