At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
