I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
