Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
