at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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