So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know her cup size but not her name....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
