You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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