so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
