Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
