I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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