either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
