I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
